REPLACEMENT
by phantomoftheopera111
Summary: Story 59. Jack calls Harley to come bail him out of Arkham, but Harley doesn't answer the phone.


Hey, anyone who was part of the crazy favorite all the new stories mob last night (December 15th, 2010) I want to say: thank you all. So much. I checked my email today and there were like 19 new messages all from FanFiction. You guys made my day. 3

Have another story!

* * *

REPLACEMENT

* * *

Harvey was lying face down on the bed; he didn't feel like getting up.

Ivy rolled over and faced him, "You ok?"

Harvey moved his arm to look at her, "I guess."

Ivy kissed his shoulder, "You seem kinda down."

Harvey yawned, "I guess I'm just bored."

Ivy sat up and brushed her copper hair out of her face, "Why?"

"I don't know."

Ivy frowned, "is this how you feel when I'm stubborn?"

"Yes," Harvey smirked.

"Tell me."

"I guess I miss Jack."

Ivy glared at him, "Why?"

"Well, he was just the little pain in my ass. Now it's gone."

"Mm," Ivy growled.

"Are you mad?"

"I just don't know why you're upset."

Harvey sighed and turned his body to face her, "Please don't be mad."

Ivy sighed and looked at the ceiling.

Harvey kissed her neck, "I love you."

"Mhmm," Ivy mumbled pushing him off.

Harvey sighed, "Pammy…"

"He's an asshole. He's ruined Harley's life. Now she is finally in a good relation ship, with a normal person. It's good for her, and she is happy."

Harvey growled.

Ivy looked at him, "What?"

Harvey turned away, "Oh nothing."

She sighed and curled up to him, "What'd I say?"

"Is that what you want? A normal person?"

Ivy put her hand to her lips, "No, no, no. Harvey, I love you. I love you the way you are."

Harvey smirked, "Yeah, uh huh."

Ivy kissed his cheek, "I love you. Harley just needs some sort of normalcy in her life."

"Uh huh."

"I have some normalcy so I can accept you and your craziness."

Harvey smirked and looked at her, "I'm crazy?"

"Yes."

Harvey grinned, "I love you."

"I love you, too," Ivy smiled and kissed him.

Harvey wrapped his arms around her, "Should we get up?"

Ivy smirked, "Why?"

"Oh, do we have something else planned?"

"Mhmm," Ivy giggled and crawled on top of him.

"I wonder where he is…"

Ivy sighed, "Again?"

"I'm just wondering aloud. We haven't seen him in months."

"Good riddance."

"You're such a kind person."

"Shut up."

"Shut up? Really? Is that how you talk to me?"

"Fine. Shut up and kiss me."

"That works for me," Harvey grinned and kissed her gently on the lips.

* * *

Jack sat back in the seat; the fresh air was blowing back his hair. The sun was coming up and the street lights were turning off.

He stretched his arms up, then into the car door. He pulled out a small hand gun and turned around.

"Keep driving," he spoke to his henchman who was driving the black Convertible through the streets of New York.

Jack aimed the gun and shot holes into both of the left wheels of the police car, causing it to spin out of control. The two other police cars behind it screeched on their breaks, trying not to slam into the other car.

"That'll hold 'em."

"Nice goin', boss."

Jack sat back again, "I have an itch to be on familiar grounds, off to Gotham."

"Gotham? But why?"

Jack growled and held the gun up to his driver's head, "Gotham or your life?"

"Heh, heh, that's funny boss, let's go to Gotham."

"That's what I thought," Jack snarled putting the gun in his coat pocket.

He watched the buildings zoom by; he closed his eyes and thought about Gotham. Maybe he could apologize to Harley; they had a few months break, now they could get back together. He was going to make an effort to make it better this time, and Harley wasn't going to regret it. Not this time.

* * *

Harley snuggled up against Anthony, "You're warm."

He smiled, "Thank you. I think the fire and this blanket might be helping too."

"You can't just take all the credit?" she yawned, "I can't say I've ever been happier."

Anthony smiled, "I'm glad to hear that. You've made me pretty happy, too."

"I'm glad to hear that."

"You want to get up?"

"Not really."

"I thought you were used to getting up at crazy times."

"Hey, look, when I was a rogue I could be up at 2:00 in the morning robbing a bank or two, but now that I have adopted the life of a normal person I like sleep, I love it."

"Alright, I'm sorry," Anthony smiled.

Harley smiled and closed her eyes, "That's ok. I still love you."

Anthony froze up, "Did you just say you loved me?"

Harley opened her eyes, "Is that bad?"

"No- I mean-"

Harley sat up, "Look, I understand if you want to take this slow."

"No, no, Harley. That's not it."

"Then what?" Harley asked, tilting her head.

"For a really long time I've wanted to tell you how I actually feel, but I was scared you didn't want an actual committed relationship and that you would run if I told you how I feel and-"

Harley held up a finger to silence him, "And how do you feel?"

He smiled, "I love you."

Harley giggled, "I love you, too."

Anthony wrapped his arm around her and kissed her on the lips. Harley held onto his shoulder and kissed him again. He wrapped his other arm around her waist and pulled her onto his lap.

"Mmm, I could get used to this," Harley smiled.

"Me too."

Harley closed her eyes and snuggled against her boyfriend. She couldn't help but remember when she and Jack would cuddle up on the couch. Well, on the better days when he wasn't yelling at her. Which wasn't very often.

She was much happier here, with her normal boyfriend, living her normal life. Plus Anthony was a great guy, unlike Jack.

Harley smiled stroked Anthony's chest. She wasn't sure if she could do this forever, but for awhile would be nice.

* * *

Jack smirked and threw a stick of joke dynamite, sure it wouldn't kill any one, but it might give a few people panic attacks.

He picked up his duffle bag of money and shot a gun up in the air.

"Ladies and gentlemen, that dynamite stick right there is motioned sensor. Anyone moves it'll blow up."

All of the people in the bank were huddled on the floor, they didn't even nod.

Jack smirked and grabbed his other duffle bag and threw it over his shoulder, "I'm glad were all on the same page!"

He was leaving the bank and stopped. There was a bowl of complimentary mints.

He looked at the bank teller, "Can you help me out, sweetie?"

The young girl didn't move.

"I'll take that as a yes. What kind of mints are these."

She whimpered and said nothing.

"Ok, we're not getting anywhere. I give you permission to speak."

"T-they're w-wintergreen."

"Hmm. I'm gonna take a few, you don't mind, right?"

She shook her head and her bottom lip quivered.

Jack stuffed a handful of mints in his pocket, "Ok. I'm gonna go. Don't move, sweetie, I don't want that bomb to blow off your pretty little face."

She squeezed her eyes shut and prayed that he would just go.

Jack raised an eyebrow and kicked out a window, "Much classier and exciting than that door."

He walked outside and whistled, his stolen Convertible pulled up in front of him and he crawled in the passenger seat.

"How'd it go boss?"

"Couldn't have been better."

"Where to now?"

"Let's hit First National Bank, and on the way we can see what's going on at the museum."

"Sounds good."

"You bet your ass it is," Jack grumbled under his breath.

The henchman pulled into the parking lot of the Gotham Museum.

Jack opened his eyes to the familiar colors of blue and red. There were police surrounding the building. How the hell did this happen?

He looked to the top of the building. Go figure. Killer Croc was standing up and growling and drooling.

Commissioner Gordon turned around to see if the back-up he had requested over 15 minutes ago had arrived. He had to do a double take when he saw the Joker sitting in the passenger seat of the shiny black Convertible.

Jack frowned; he had gotten into a spot of bad luck.

"Oh my God… Bullock! Joker is right behind you. Now he's pulling out! Quick! After him!"

Detective Harvey Bullock growled at the Commissioner and grabbed a few of his cops, they jumped into their police cars and headed after the Joker.

Jack turned around in his seat, "Shit, shit, shit. Can you drive any faster? If I go to Arkham, I'll find a way to have my outside buddies slice out your tongue."

His driver slammed on the gas.

"Motivation. That's all anyone every needs."

"Yes, boss."

Next he knew he was jerked forward and went through the car window. That's what he got from not wearing a seatbelt, Jack frowned thinking to himself.

He was lying in front of the car in a forming puddle of his own blood, he knew something was broke, at least he wasn't dead. Or so he hoped.

Jack sat up and rubbed his neck. He sighed and blocked the bright light coming from the cop's flashlight.

"You wanna get that outta my face?"

"Joker, you are under arrest for burglaries in Gotham and Metropolis. Anything you say-"

Jack got up, "Yeah, yeah I know. My arms broken and I doubt I can out run all of you fine people-"

Jack cut himself off and began sprinting down the street. He stumbled over his untied shoelace.

"You have to be kidding me," Jack groaned and flopped on his back.

The police came over and yanked him back up, pulled his arms behind his back and wrapped a straight jacket around him.

Jack sighed and blew a few loose pieces of his hair out of his face, "Are we going to Arkham?"

"Shut up, Joker."

They pushed him into the back of the cop car and drove to Arkham Asylum.

* * *

Jack popped his back the best he could and was drug out of the car.

"I feel like a bag of jelly."

"Shut up, Joker."

Jack sighed, "Someone doesn't seem too happy."

"Joker, I swear to God, if you don't shut up I will tazer you."

"Is that a threat?"

"Just shut up."

Jack laughed, "I do get a phone call, right?"

"No."

"Really? You're not giving me my phone call?"

"No."

"You guys always do this to me."

"Shut up."

"I feel like we need to talk more…" Jack looked at the male cop's badge, "Officer Curtis."

"Someone get me a tazer."

Jack grinned, "Are you breaking up with me?"

"Joker, the only thing I'm gonna break is your nose."

Jack laughed, "You're funny!

"Just… shush."

Jack sighed, "Please let me have my call."

"Will you shut the hell up if I do?"

"Yes."

Officer Ty Curtis pulled Jack over to the phone booth and let him make his one call, "Make it wise."

"Oh, I will," Jack smiled. He bit his lip, who should he call? Harvey and Jonathan would probably just hang up, Ivy would find a way to poison him through the call, Selina would just laugh, who else would he actually want to call. It's not like it would matter or anything. He was the Joker for the love of God, he'd be here in Arkham until he lived up his, he counted up the years, 90 year sentence or until he broke out again.

Jack sighed; there was only one person who came to mind: Harley.

He dialed the number and pinched the bridge of his nose. It ran once, twice, it has halfway through the third ring when someone picked up.

"Hello?"

Jack blinked, unless Harley had been taking testosterone, this was not her.

"Uh… is Harley there?"

"No, she's in the shower."

"Uh… who is this?"

"Who are you?"

"That's none of your business, what are you doing in Harley's house?"

"I'm her boyfriend, now who are you?"

Jack didn't respond, the phone slowly slipped from his grasp. He swallowed slowly and hung up the phone.

He opened the phone booth door, "I'm done."

Officer Curtis looked at him, "Let's get you to your cell then."

Jack slowly walked beside him, saying nothing.

"You're sure quiet clown."

Jack shrugged, he couldn't even think of a smart ass response.

Curtis stopped him and slid his cell card in the pad and typed in the Joker's cell number. As soon as the door opened Jack slowly walked inside. The bright orange prison clothes were folded on his bed.

"Have a nice vacation," Curtis smirked walking away.

Jack looked at the bleak walls of his cell. He scratched his eye and sighed.

He looked across the hallway, no neighbors. Thank God. He didn't want to deal with anyone, anyways.

Jack sat on the bed and stroked the collar of the prison garb. He lay down on the bed and fluffed up the flat pillow. He bit his lip and folded his arms behind his head.

It was the first time he didn't have any motivation to try and escape Arkham. She had replaced him.

FIN


End file.
